Tender Spaces

Dear Grandmother,

I have in me a great tension and fear. Underneath that fear is anger, and still deeper is pain. Very great pain. If I can feel that pain, it will stop bothering me, my anger and my fear will go because they are products of the pain. If I can feel that pain, my other feelings which I have also lost will come crowding back and I will not feel so empty, but I will feel myself and the things around me without symbolism. If I can feel that pain, I will not necessarily be always happy, but at least I will feel on a deeper level and will not need to fight myself so hard because I will be alright.

I have just written to Art Janov who wrote “The Mind Scream” asking him for information on Primal Therapy. His theory is that my neurosis has been caused by pain which if felt at the time (very early childhood) would have devastating results. That pain is caused by the child feeling unloved. So the child represses it, but the pain is still there, and all his life, the patient lives around the pain, looking for something to fill the void, whether it is smoking, overeating, or whatever. The person, to feel whole, has to get into that Primal pain, feel it in all its intensity (he has had people scream and roll on the floor in agony) whatever it may be. When the patient has lived through that pain stored from childhood, he has consistently found himself whole again.

Art Janov who used to be a conventional therapist made this discovery when during a session he asked a patient to call for his mommy. In a few moments the patient was writhing on the floor in pain and a loud scream came from him. When he had experienced that fully he said “I made it. I don’t know what, but I can FEEL.” When this happened to another of his patients Dr. Janov decided to investigate it.

As you have probably gathered, I would like to try Primal therapy. There is first 3 weeks of individual therapy in which nobody else is seen and where one by one the defenses are broken down. Then there is approximately 8 months of group therapy - (it varies from patient to patient). The group meets twice a week for about 2 hours and is a necessary part of the therapy. After that, the patient is cured.

From what I gathered from the book, the costs are not too great, but if you want to get a better idea of what its about, I suggest you read the book, or you could write to Art Janov at 620 N Almont, Los Angeles, Cal, 90069.

There is one problem though. There might not be a primal therapist in Canada, in which case I would have to go to California for a while. It is possible that my old visa is still valid. I don’t know. Please tell me what you think. If something could get me out of this mess, I can’t even say how grateful I would be. See, I never really did feel loved as a child, not to my memory anyway. I understand mother and father tried hard, but they just didn’t have it in them to take care of me, when they, at least mother, needed parents themselves. What primal therapy does is eliminate that need by violently overthrowing the neuroses which hides the pain and imitating a direct confrontation between the conscious mind and that devastating pain and loneliness and emptiness. At the end of therapy, the patient finds that he is only himself, but that is good enough.

I believe that it works enough to want to try it. If it works I may consider being a primal therapist myself. There is not one person I can think of who does not need it to some extent.

Here’s hoping to hear from you soon. Merry Christmas. Much love,

Gaëtane.

Dec. 21st 71

Dear Gaëtane

Your letter arrived today. I have been to 2 bookstores and a library but did not find the book you mentioned. They asked if it was hardcover or paperback. I do remember reading or hearing something about primal therapy. I do think it makes sense.

I think you or your husband or Mr Pool will have to write Ottawa about your passport. In the meantime, I would suggest that you see the psychiatrist you have already seen & consult him about this. He probably would have access to the different branches etc. In the meantime it might help if you saw him once a week pending possible arrangements for some alternative therapy.

Michel has mailed you a short kilt skirt from your mother, who has not arrived yet. We hope she will come before Christmas. We shall miss you & be thinking of you.

Much love, in haste

Grandmère”